2003-03-09���10:52 p.m.

Its been a long time since I have writen here. I havent even talked to anyone in a long time. I couldent even tell you how long it has been since I have even spoken to Jason. I checked my email for the first time in a long time a little while ago. It took a while to read through the hate mail. I know I have caused a lot of peaple to hate me by the things I have done (or havent done). This isent going to be about excuses or saying I am sorry. Words are just that. Only words. I have totaly gone into hiding the last few months. I stoped reading or writing email. I stoped posting here. I even had my Cell Phone shut off beacaus I just couldent stand to hear it ring anymore. I guess you could say that I have been on a mission to find me. (yeah I know that sounds like a load of shit) Over the years I have lost a lot. Finaly I lost everything and I even wound up losing me along the way. I dont know why but I always seam to hurt the peaple that I care about the most. The only way I know how to not hurt anyone is not to have anyone around me. When and if I get to the point where I can look at myself and not hate me maybe then I can come back to the world. I just hope that anyone reading this doesent think that they are not missed beacaus they are.