2002-01-06���6:33 p.m.

Do you ever just do stupid things? I was in a realy good mood about an hours or so ago. I spent quite a bit of time on the phone talking to Ela. It was such a good thing. I know she and I are going to be ok. Things may be diferent but they will be ok. Then I had to go and get on the computer and start listening to music. Have you heard that song by Kate winslet? Its called "what if" Oh my god is that a good song. No its a totaly amazing song. But Man is it depressing. Geezz. I am siting here and I cant stop listening to it. Is that pathetic or what? Part of me thinks you all should stop what you are doing at this moment and down load it but anothere part says run like hell from that song. Well here are the lyrics anyway. If you think It is a wussy song get over it. Its fucking great.

Here I stand alone

With this weight upon my heart

And it will not go away

In my head I keep on looking back

Right back to the start

Wondering what it was that made you change

Well I tried

But I had to draw the line

And still this question keeps on spinning in my mind

What if I had never let you go

Would you be the man I used to know

If I'd stayed

If you'd tried

If we could only turn back time

But I guess we'll never know

Many roads to take

Some to joy

Some to heartache

Anyone can lose their way

And if I said that we could turn it back

Right back to the start

Would you take the chance and make the change

Do you think how it would have been sometimes

Do you pray that I'd never left your side

What if I had never let you go

Would you be the man I used to know

If I'd stayed

If you'd tried

If we could only turn back time

But I guess we'll never know

If only we could turn the hands of time

If I could take it back would you still be mine

'Cos I tried

But I had to draw the line

And still this question keep on spinning in my mind

What if I had never let you go

Would you be the man I used to know

What if I had never walked away

'Cos I still love you more than I could say

If I'd stayed

If you'd tried

If we could only turn back time

But I guess we'll never know

We'll never know

Sometimes its strange how it is comferting just to sit and listen to sad songs and cry. I gess that is everyones comon bond. We cry. Thank you to everyone who has been ok with crying.