2002-11-03���12:12 p.m.

Ok. I guess my entries have been kinda short lately. I have realy just been closing myself off from the world as of late. Things are just so diferent in my life now. I am doing everything I can to try and get my legal problems worked out. I on tuesday I am going to go to court. To say that I am scared out of my mind is an understatement. I dont want to go but I know if I dont it will only make things worse. I have to get this overwith so I can have a "normal" life. I have pretty much decided that I am going to stay here and get this taken care of and get my own place in Fayettevile. Its got to the point where I actualy like building houses again. Its good to know that I can take care of myself. I guess in all reality I always could but I was just to afraid to. Ela I know there are things that I need to take care of and that I havent. Its realy stupid. Its not that I cant I just dont. I guess a part or me has just been afraid that if all was said and done there would never be any contact between the two of us again. That is a realy stupid thing to think beacaus there is no contact with us anyway. I hope you know that I still think of you all the time. I miss you. I wish you still knew me beacaus maybe you would see that I am not such a bad guy. Its weird I am actualy kinda liking myself at the moment and not hating life. Geting away from a lot of stuff has helped me to clear my mind a lot. I hope things are going well for you. I miss you Ela.