2002-08-04���12:08 a.m.

I spent a lot of time tonight walking and listening to music. There is a lot on my mind at the moment. I am thinking of everything from Ela to Sara to my Dad. Its strange but when I have nights like tonight when I realy think a lot I feal closer to my dad. Its kinda like he is here with me. It may sound mental but when I get to the point where I feal like I can take no more I put on this certan cd (please dont ask its between my dad and me) and go for a walk and talk to my dad. It fills me with a sense of calm. Its weird sometimes I miss him so much but nights like tonight it is as though he is here with me. Maybe in some way he is. I can rember times when things were wrong and my dad and I would go for a ride and everything would be alright. Sometimes you have to take a step back and try to put things into perspective. That is one thing my dad taught me. I think I get a lot of my faith from him. I only had him in my life untill I was 12 but it gave me so much. WOW I just realized he has been gone longer then I had with him. I wonder what I could have learned from him had he not died. I wonder where I would be and what my life would be like. My life has not always been so great but I have had some real blessings in my life. I am thankfull for the things I have and for the peaple who love me. I freal so strange at the moment. Its weird...I feal love. Its a good thing. I love you dad.