2002-01-03���1:04 a.m.

Hello all. I have a lot on my mind at the moment and a lot to say so I am just going to get right to the point. I know I am a way flighty person and I always say I am going to do one thing then I do another. I am here one min then a thousand miles away the next and I am not so good at letting peaple know what I am doing. So I have made some plans(yeah I know what you are thinking I never stick with plans) I know some of you are not going to be happy about this but it is somthing I need to do. In March I am going to go to Germany for a little while. I know Raphaela and I are not togher and it is probably going to be a hard trip but this is somthing I need to do. Not just for me but for her also. When I dident go over there for the holidays this year I thought I was saving my heart some pain but all I really did was hurt myself and her more then needed be. Weather or not she is my girlfriend she is the most important thing in my life. I feal like to show her that she still is I need to go over and see her. We had talked about maybe just having her come here but I really feal like I should be the one to put forth the effort to see her. She has done so much for me and has been there for me in more ways then I could ever tell anyone. What can I say I love her. I know sertain peaple dont think I will really go. I am the worst about making plans and not following through. I know that if for some reason I dident go it would be the death of Raphaela and I. I cant let that happen. Somthing in me wont let me give up on us just yet. If I have to sell my soul (if I can get it back from Jason) I will to get there. I hope my friends here understand why I am going and can suport me. I know you all have seen me way upset over her a million times but you also have to know how much I love her. I geuss that is all there is to say about that.

On a totaly diferent subject. I have a friend that I am really woried about. She just isent happy. I try to make her see what she is worth to the world and to me but she just doesent get it. Tonight we were talking and I really got the fealing that she was mad at me and that she thought that I was mad at her. I just want to make sure my spooky kid knows that I am not mad. I am just woried about her. I hope you feal better. Know that there are peaple who love you.

The picture you see is of peaple who are important to me. If you picture isent there it is beacaus of one of several reasons. You wont let me put one up. (STEPH) I dont have one of you (insert one of many peaple I care about here) or I just really hate you and dont want to tell you about it. (that is a joke geezz peaple get a sense of humor) If your pic is there and you really dont like it just let me know so I can tell you to kiss off. J/K just let me know and ill take it down. And if you are not there (katie) send me one to put up. Or just stop beein a wuss and let me put yours up (STEPH) hell there is even one of me and you all know how much I hate pix of me. Well I shall let you all go for now.

Feal better spookykid

Shiloh