2004-10-18���6:12 p.m.

Its weird how you can be going along fine and then some little thing will set you off. A smell, Song on the radio, somthing on tv. It trigers a memory of somthing special, or maybe just a memory of an ordanary thing that ment a lot. It starts you thinking of all the things that was and of how things are now. You wonder how things have goten to the point that they are now. I never would have beleved there would be a time in my life when I couldent share things with you. Lately I have been having this same dream of you over and over again. I told Leigh all about it. It is totaly messing with my mind. Last night I woke up in a cold sweat at like 3 in the morning. I got up and went to my computer and wrote you a way long email. I told you about the dream and about some other things that I just want to tell you. When I was done I just couldent send it. What if you realy are happier this way? What if you are not dying inside everyday like I am? If your life realy is better this way I guess I have no right to email you and fuck things up. I am so tired but I dont want to go to sleep. I dont think I can stand to have that dream again. Yeah.