2003-11-17���11:14 p.m.

Its weird how life hits you sometimes. I was talking to a guy at work today. He was asking me a lot of questions about my past. I talked to him about a lot of things I try not to think about. It left me fealing very gray. Wounds I thought were long since healed started bleeding. I am thinking things I dont want to think about. Hurting over things I shouldent care about. Its strange how the pain can still feal so fresh after all this time. I feal helpless to it. He noticed that I was acting strange after we talked. He said he was sorry for bringing it up. I said it was no big deal. Long since past. I totaly lied and he knew it. Not only do I feal hurt I feal weak for beeing upset. I am ashamed of myself. Its late and I have to be at work tomorow and I dont want to go to bed beacaus I am afraid to dream. I dont want to feal what I am fealing. I would give anything just to have a pair of arms to curl into at the moment. Someone to hold me close and tell me that things are going to be ok.