2002-09-01���3:20 a.m.

Its late. I just got home. I have been at the club. I was drinking but I am not drunk. I am in a totaly strange mood. I am so hurt and angry at the moment. There are so many things in me that I want to let out that I cant. I try so hard to put it out of my mind but I cant. I try to tell myself that I dont care but it is a total lie. You are online right now as I am writing this. Do you have any idea how hard it is not to IM you? Every where I looked tonight I saw you. Every face was yours. There was a girl at the club tonight that had on the corcet we got at victorias secret in joplin. I sat in a corner watching this girl sit at a table talking to these two guys and I swear she was making your facial exsprsions just to drive me crazy. No mater how much I drank it dident go away and I just couldent get nunb enough. I am so tired of hurting and tired of caring but there is nothing I can do about it. My head tells my heart not to care but it dosent work that way. I cant beleve some of the things you said to me today. I will never be able to forget it. How did we get here? I hate this. The sick thing is no matter what you say or how bad you hurt me I still love you. It is totaly killing me not to im you right now. Its funny you told me earlier that you wish I would just die. Right now I wish I could.