2002-08-01���1:58 a.m.

You asked me today why I havent writen here in a while. The easy thing to say is that I dont have anything to say. To be honest I have lots to say. The thing is I have so many mixed emotions and I am so confused about the things in my head I go here to write and just stare at the screan and leave it blank. To be honest I am still messed up by the whole Crystal thing. It has me evaluating my life a lot. It makes me think a lot about the future and what it hold for me. I am not happy with the way things are and with my place in the world but I dont know how to fix things. I just know that if I dont I will be living with a lot of regreats and I already have way to many of them. It would be so nice to get a decent nights sleep. I lay in bed with thoughts running through my head like a train and I cant sleep. Peaple ask me how I am and I say ok. That is so not true. I am so unhappy right now. I wish I knew how to be happy. I miss you.