2002-01-03���1:04 a.m.

Hello all. I have a lot on my mind at the moment and a lot to say so I am just going to get right to the point. I know I am a way flighty person and I always say I am going to do one thing then I do another. I am here one min then a thousand miles away the next and I am not so good at letting peaple know what I am doing. So I have made some plans(yeah I know what you are thinking I never stick with plans) I know some of you are not going to be happy about this but it is somthing I need to do. In March I am going to go to Germany for a little while. I know Raphaela and I are not togher and it is probably going to be a hard trip but this is somthing I need to do. Not just for me but for her also. When I dident go over there for the holidays this year I thought I was saving my heart some pain but all I really did was hurt myself and her more then needed be. Weather or not she is my girlfriend she is the most important thing in my life. I feal like to show her that she still is I need to go over and see her. We had talked about maybe just having her come here but I really feal like I should be the one to put forth the effort to see her. She has done so much for me and has been there for me in more ways then I could ever tell anyone. What can I say I love her. I know sertain peaple dont think I will really go. I am the worst a